At any rate, last night at the 3 am feeding, I was looking at little Tenzin and realizing how many changes and funny things he has done in 6 days. It is amazing how much can happen in such a littel time and then I realized that I hadn't been blogging about all of those little details at all...I have become accustomed to writing about my pregnancy, which has been looking into my body and describing. I kinda kept that up on here with my recovery...But that isn't what this blog is about at all. This is about the sweet little boy and his first year. So, with that, I will write today, the last story of his birth, the operating room, and then we will move on to him and his habits and quirks and personalities developments. The pictures today are of the cute prince crown and frog blanket he is sporitng today, him all bundled up and sleeping peacefully, and a pic of him doing his yoga/dalai lama leg pose he loves to do. Such a funny boy!
It was April 18th at 4:40 pm and Dr. S had just given us the decision if we should have a C section or try it for "a few more hours" the natural way. She didn't push her opinion, but said that the baby was so high and my cervix so little dilated even on pitosin that she doubted there would be much change, but she wanted to do what I thought was best. Pete and I had long since agreed that we were OK with a C Section. I know I am at high risk because of my age and my hip and other such foolishness and have a small pelvis, and we knew that his side of the family has enormously headed babies...I was so tired and so upset about not having any progression, I said lets just do it. So immediately they started prepping me and Pete to go into the OR. I was shaved and given additional drugs in my epidural and Pete was given this Hazmat outfit and beard guard to wear and they wheeled me off. It was seriously less than 10 minutes and I was off. My mom wasn't there yet and there wasn't even time for me to talk to her before I was going. Pete gave her the heads up and to just come to my room as they would wheel me back after that and me, him and the baby would see everyone in there then.
And that is where the normalcy ended. We were in a dimly lit room all focused on relaxation and calm and I was wheeled, roughly, down the hall into a blindingly white lit hallway that noticiably changed temperatures as we wheeled further on. I know that the surgeons need light and I know that it is colder in ORs to kept bacteria and infections down, but geez, give a gal a heated blanket or something! If I had only known this wouldn't be the worst of it! So, on we went and even though I wasn't yet numb, they wouldn't let me move over to the operating table, they had to hoist me on this wood slab thing, but not before they totally removed my hospital gown and I sat naked on the table. I knew I wasn't going to be knocked out, but it just seemed wierd to be totally stripped down and then rolled onto a wooden slab and then rolled onto a cold table without one person saying one word to me. No one told me what they were going to do, no one told me who all these new people were, and they were just treating me like a dummy. Then, I sat there and nothing happened. I presume other things were going on around us, getting prepped for surgery, but again, no one talked to me. They were all laughing and joking and talking about their lives and whom they were dating and what they were doing over the Easter weekend and making jokes back and forth and Bon Jovi was blaring on the radio and someone was just singing and saying something about how no surgery was a good surgery without Bon Jovi. By this time, I had been in this room for quite a few minutes and Dr S was not there yet and then I heard them talking about how when they wheeled me in she got notice that another patient was delivering and after she finished that one another lady went into delivery. Obvioulsy, I am the one who can be postponed, but again, no one told me anything about it. No one told me how long it would be or what was going on and all the time, I'm laying there naked on the metal table in the cold room and being ignored. I remember that I began to shiver. I was so freezing, I couldn't contain it, I was just shivering and shivering and knowing that everyone in the room was just going about their jobs not even noticing. It is a very uneasy feeling being in a room full of people who are supposed to be there to help you and they aren't even paying attention to you. I began to worry a little that they would be so negligent if something were to go wrong, up to this point, I hadn't even considered that something could or would go wrong. So anxiety was then added to my shivering, freezing self. Anxiety that I didn't need to have if they had just treated me like a person.
Finally, the anathesiologist (spelling is wrong and I still don't know how/where the stupid spell check is, sorry) came in and he talked to me. Asked me if I was numb and did some prick tests on me. He also noticed that I was shivering and covered my arms with heated blackets. I am not sure if I have fully explained the horror of the setting, I felt like I was in SAW or some sadistic horror movie. I was naked, laying on this tiny operating table with my arms straight out strapped down, with straps going down the whole of my body. There was a blue sheet blocking me from the chest up so I was bisected. All this while I shivered and chattered. My belly had been totally iodined and was that gross rust reddish color. What a sight! I wish Pete had gotten a picture, just for an exact visual, but I'm probably very happy that no picture such as that exists. Dr. S then comes in and apologizes to me and explains the deliveries and again, I felt a little better. I know Dr. S and she is a little aspie, but she is nice and is a good doctor. She does the whole cutting thing and I can feel pressure, but no pain and then I hear the ana saying that I'm about to be a mom and I see Pete stand up out of the corner of my eye and I passed out...I remember coming to only for a brief second and saw Pete holding our baby up to me and I took a quick glance but couldn't really focus and then I felt this pain in my pelvis and I said, I can feel them on my pelvis and then I was gone. I didn't know it, but the ana took two huge syringes and injected me on both sides as soon as I said that. The good part is I didn't feel whatever scraping or whatnot they were doing in my guts, the bad part, I don't have a clear or accurate or emotional memory of first seeing my little baby. I feel kind of jipped by this, you always see people crying when they first see their baby, and I had no such emotion or even chance for it because I had waited on the table for so long I had lost my numbing, and this was after having to have a second epidural! OY!
I don't remember anything else happening, I was just back in the room and they were handing me the baby and Pete was there and I kicked everyone out so we could name him and have a minute alone together as our new little family. It was only then that I was able to ask if he was OK, if he had all his fingers and toes and if everything was well. Which it was, but it all just seemed foggy and surreal.
I haven't quite figured out how I am going to deal with this... talk to Dr S about how I felt? Complain to the hospital? Complain to the state? Something has to give, but in the end, it was all done properly and me and Tenz are OK and that is really what matters.